So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
