Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
