I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
