hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if only i could text you this smell
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I didn't notice because vodka
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
