I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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