the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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