i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
