I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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