You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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