I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
