another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
