don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
not ubering you a puppy
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
