I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
