Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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