Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
