Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
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