so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
