A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Shame - the story of my life.
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