Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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