I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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