Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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