another moral hangover. fuck.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
love makes seman taste better
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
