i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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