Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
