We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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