How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
