Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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