ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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