no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
