my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This baby is an asshole
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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