Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
