Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
