You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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