just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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