he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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