I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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