who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
