Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
