wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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