You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
