Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
organizing the empties. That sober.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
