woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
