I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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