During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize