AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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