She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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