Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
