Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
