you guys were way drunker than both of me
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
