made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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