Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
