I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
operation harelip BJ is a go
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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