wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
