So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
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My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
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just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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