If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you win again, gameday.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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