tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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