I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
