I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
