Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
