Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize