So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Your penis caused this!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
