that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
