dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
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I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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