I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
