Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
