You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
