If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
