what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
