so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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