I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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