Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
