I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
