Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
