I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
