She is in my trunk
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
soo... how was my night?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
