You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
