If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The air taste purple.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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