The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
